Songs of ... =================== Piya looked at the murky expanse...the river stretched endlessly...she had left Fort William behind her and she was walking along the river...towards the crowded bus depot...a long walk...by her standards...and a lonely one...cars sped by..on the Hooghly...she could see the buoys bobbing up and down...the launches ferrying passengers...it all seemed so unreal...long time..years back....she had been on one of those with her 'Dadu'...she always felt as if her Grandparents...her 'Dadu-Dida'... were still alive...'Pishi...Dadu..Dida'...one after the other...she could rush back to them....anytime...today....she felt it more than ever....the cold breeze..hit her like a slap...her eyes were stinging....

The bus ride back to Dhakuria....was just as uneventful as ever...or eventful...if one liked observing one's fellow passengers...Piya couldn't care less....she sat by the window...looking outside...vacantly....seeing nothing....feeling nothing....the faulty radio on the Route 218 bus was playing some song...Piya straightened...'ey saala..'....'roobaroo'...Piya closed her eyes...gripping her mobile tighter..as if that would give her strength...THIS was the song that HE used to sing...in the stillness of the office...in that far off city....humming to Himself...as He worked...singing snatches of the song..with His headphones on...the next song was 'hey shona...'...Piya got off the bus...couldn't take it anymore...why did life have to haunt her like this...'WHY?'...may be she would die with this 'WHY?' on her lips....her 'Shiv Ji' never answered her question...

The jostling Dharamtolla crossing..was as dirty as ever...the sun was scorching the quaint city that seemed thoroughly confused between tradition, and modernity....as if it mattered....that vacant feeling...of..being mocked at by life..by the Gods themselves...a chessboard...and she a pawn...the taxi driver was asking irritably....'Kothai jaben, didi?!!'...she somehow managed to recall her address...haltingly...

It was nearly three months since she had come down to Calcutta, from the laid back North Indian town...she had been unable to take it anymore....only to realise it a little too late...that you cannot....you simply cannot run away from yourself....coming down had made her family happy...at least they were happy...the taxi was moving slowly...the funeral procession...a little ahead of them was moving towards ...Keoratolla...or Neemtolla...burning ghats...bodies burning on the banks of the Yamuna...how lucky they were...Piya envied them....why couln't we simply stop thinking...erase the past...live only in the present....block it all out...

The traffic jam stretched endlessly, it was Calcutta's life blood....almost....stretching on to ...Infinity....Piya looked to her left...Park Hotel..she still remembered that night...it was HIS first visit to the city...to her city...she had made excuses, left the movie midway....just to talk to Him....He was here...she looked away....trying to...trying desperately to focus on..something, anything....

The young couple on the bike...just beside the taxi...Piya realised that she was staring at them only when the woman also returned her stare....them speeding down the highway on His bike...overtaking...in spite of herself...Piya smiled...it was her first and last 'date'....the other realisation had been equally devastating...it was love, hopeless...despairingly hopeless love on her side....decency and good-naturedness on His...but...then why did He have to humour her...He was too goodnatured...shouldn't have been...Piya shut her eyes...the tears simply wouldn't stop...she didn't care if the taxi driver gave her odd stares...if the whole world gave her odd stares....what did it matter...what did anything matter....it was all one sad, sick...what might have been....

The taxi stopped in front of the pandal....the small gathering, there, seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief....

The white and red tussar benarasi saree gleamed and glistened in the bright light and shadow of the flames...the gold jewellery seemed to burn with the fire...the blood-red sindoor smeared on her parting seemed to glow even redder in the light of the fire...Sumedh had accidentally smeared more than he had intended to...the benarasi, too, flared up in the glow of the fire.... fold by fold...

Piya shut her eyes...her tears would be taken as 'normal' now...the only face that came up in front of her was His...if only....she had taken that last, final step...the Hooghly had been waiting...it still was...

The strains of 'Tum hi merey har pal mein...Tum aaj mein...Tum kal mein...'...filtered in from the reception hall...SUMEDH enveloped her in his arms...as Piya looked into HIS eyes...it dawned on her that her ShivJi had answered her prayers...in his own way...the Hooghly was waiting but certainly not for her...the song had taken on a different... a far more beautiful meaning for Her...the past dissolved into oblivion as she felt her PRESENT taking shape...God, ShivJi whatever you choose to call HIM...had never turned away from her...